What Losing My Herd Leader Taught Me About Leadership Absence

The Leader and Her Herd

"Why capable teams hesitate, decisions slow, and confidence erodes when leadership presence is no longer felt."

When the Herd Loses Its Leader

When I lost my 36-year-old mule, Maddie, to colic, I expected grief. What I didn’t expect was what came next.

Maddie wasn’t just part of the herd — she was the leader.

Out of three, she was the one who oriented the others. She set direction. She regulated energy. She decided when it was safe to move, rest, or pay attention.

And when she was gone, the change in the remaining two was immediate and unmistakable.

They weren’t “misbehaving.”

They weren’t incapable.

They were disoriented.

They stood differently.

Moved differently.

Looked to spaces where she should have been.

The herd hadn’t lost competence. It had lost leadership presence.

What struck me most

Nothing else about their environment changed.

Same pasture.

Same routines.

Same resources.

But without their leader:

• decisions slowed

• confidence dropped

• movement became tentative

• energy became reactive

Not because the others were weak — but because leadership had been carrying more than we realize.

That moment crystallized something I see every day in organizations.

Organizations don’t collapse when leaders leave

They drift.

In companies, the absence of leadership rarely looks like chaos at first.

It looks like:

• more hesitation

• more escalation

• less clarity

• quieter rooms

• people waiting instead of moving

Teams still show up.

Work still gets done.

But the invisible stabilizing force — the one that helps people interpret uncertainty — is gone.

Just like my herd.

Leadership isn’t just direction — it’s regulation

Maddie didn’t lead by force.

She led by:

• presence

• consistency

• embodied confidence

The others took cues from her nervous system, not her authority.

That’s true in organizations, too.

Leaders regulate:

• pace

• safety

• decision confidence

• emotional tone

When that regulation disappears — even quietly — people don’t fail. They lose orientation.

This is why “broadcast leadership” doesn’t work

You can still send messages.

You can still hold meetings.

You can still “communicate.”

But herds — human or otherwise — don’t orient to broadcasts.

They orient to:

• proximity

• behavior

• consistency

• presence

My remaining two didn’t need instructions. They needed a leader to be with.

The uncomfortable truth

Many organizations today are functioning like my herd after Maddie died.

Capable people.

Good intentions.

Adequate resources.

But leadership presence has thinned.

Not because leaders don’t care — but because:

• leadership became remote

• mentoring became optional

• presence became scheduled

• modeling disappeared

And no one named the cost.

What Maddie reminded me

Leadership isn’t an idea.

It’s a lived, sensed experience.

When it’s present, things move.

When it’s gone, even strong systems hesitate.

You can’t replace that with memos.

You can’t automate it.

And you can’t recover it without intention.

A question worth sitting with

If leadership disappeared tomorrow in your organization, would people know where to stand?

Or would they, like my herd, look around quietly… waiting for someone who used to be there?

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Jeannine Miller, PCC, is an executive coach and leadership facilitator who works with senior leaders and their teams to strengthen leadership presence, decision-making, and trust. Through equine-facilitated coaching experiences, Jeannine helps executives see how their leadership is actually experienced—especially under pressure—so they can reconnect teams, rebuild mentoring, and lead with greater clarity and confidence.